14 replies to this topic

[tsvlink25]

This is the review topic for my book: Unbelievable.
Please let me know what you think!!

[Drew5566]

Oh yeah you showed me this a few months back.
Finally starting it again

It's pretty good! Can't wait for next chapter.

[tsvlink25]

Yeah, and as you can see, I've switched it up since then.

thanks, I'll try to get it done soon.

[Rocker64]

Only read the prolouge.

Its already awesome.

Ill read more later.

[tsvlink25]

lol, thanks rocker! I hope you like the rest!

[Mutantyoshi]

I fully read the Prologe and skimmed the 1st and 2nd chapters, but from what I read, it was really good!

[tsvlink25]

lol, thanks!
I'm still posting up more chapters whenever I can.
I hope you like the rest!

[QueenSkaetz]

Okay, I read your story a bit. I got at Chapter 3. I must say the plot is very well thought out. It's kind of like a science fiction version of The Outsiders. Most of the characters are interesting. I can see why people wanted it published. There are a few things I need to comment on, though.

-Punctuation/Grammar: For the most part, you did a good job (capitalization is correct, grammar is accurate, etc.) However, the content lacks commas where needed. Furthermore, on a less important note, stories don't usually use all caps in dialogue for describing how the characters talked. This relates to the next thing I have to say.

-Description: IMHO, there's too much dialogue. A lot of times, you write "'-something-' he said/yelled/screamed/whispered" without describing the tone of voice, how the person looked, and how the person who was being spoken to reacted. For example, you can have a character whispering, "I need you over here". However, it would be interesting to read that he whispered firmly, his eyes blazing. His tone of voice made -someone- flinch.

-Character Perspective: Your story is written in first person. This is a very hard way to write in. However, most of it seems to be fine except the fact that your character doesn't seem to think about anything. When writing in first person, one would also include questions about a situation, input on what someone said, etc.

These are all just my opinions on what could be added. Your story is very well written and has a lot of potential. Writing/publishing a story is a very long process, so don't get discouraged!

[tsvlink25]

actually, thanks! I agree on much of that, actually.
I'm mainly gonna finish up the whole thing, then go BACK, to fix things to be better. (Like what you said, with the whole describing)
I just think that might be best to get the whole idea down before I forget it, instead of coming up with new ideas before putting down the old ones.

[QueenSkaetz]

tsvlink25, on Apr 19 2011, 03:04 PM, said:

actually, thanks! I agree on much of that, actually.
I'm mainly gonna finish up the whole thing, then go BACK, to fix things to be better. (Like what you said, with the whole describing)
I just think that might be best to get the whole idea down before I forget it, instead of coming up with new ideas before putting down the old ones.

Ahh, I see. That sounds good. C: Good luck with your story!

Oh, by the way, we're both writing a book and trying to get it published... I'm in the same boat as you :3

[tsvlink25]

My Name Is Janine, on Apr 20 2011, 01:13 PM, said:

Ahh, I see. That sounds good. C: Good luck with your story!

Oh, by the way, we're both writing a book and trying to get it published... I'm in the same boat as you :3

Lol, cool!

[dash456]

Really good so far, and I can't wait to see the Queen.

[dash456]

Regarding the Revised Edition, nice job adding some details on what was happening before the party. Can't wait to see more!

[Drew5566]

Still good!
Keep up the awesomeness.

[tsvlink25]

^Thanks buddy